Introducing Selah Joy
Labor is easily the most physically painful thing I’ve experienced thus far.
I didn’t realize how much the pain had marked me until the days leading up to the birth of our fourth little girl. As the final countdown began, I felt an increasing sense of dread and doom. My fear and anxiety only grew as the days passed, including her due date.
Both Emma and Gabie were born within 45 minutes of my arrival at the hospital. I could barely walk each time and immediately vomited upon entering the room; my body’s way of saying, it’s almost time to give birth. I hoped that this time I wouldn’t have to relive those experiences, but with our house about an hour away from the hospital, I had no clue what to expect.
One lovely afternoon, four days past the baby’s due date, I listened to a podcast about the underestimated significance of prayer in our lives. The host credited much of her deep-seated belief in a good and powerful God to His faithfulness through answered prayers.
Emboldened by the podcast, I retired to my bedroom early that night to talk with God. On my hands and knees, I began. “God, I’m scared of going into labor too quickly and not knowing when to go to the hospital. I’m scared that I’ll be in the car with horrible pain, I’m scared that I won’t be able to control my breathing with each contraction.”
Then, in what felt radical, I asked God for specific help of what I wanted in this labor. “God, can you make it clear when it’s time to go to the hospital? Can you help me get to the hospital before any pain begins? Can I labor at the hospital instead of bursting in and vomiting right before the big push?”
It felt vulnerable to ask for my heart’s desires so directly. Usually, I add a “if you will it, God” to prayers when I ask for something. If I’m being honest, it’s likely a form of self-preservation – a halfhearted belief that God will answer me, and a way to maintain my belief that God is good even if things don’t go my way. Yet, this time, I took God at His word and prayed what was on my heart. Exhausted, I went to sleep in peace.
I woke up to warm water pouring into my bed at 1 AM. I jumped up and ran to the bathroom in a panic: My water broke! It’s happening!! My body immediately began shaking with adrenaline as I frantically grabbed last minute necessities for the hospital: toothbrush, contact solution, ChapStick. Michael was snoring and I had to remind myself to calmy wake him. He moved like a snail; I ran to the car.
We headed to the hospital with my “birth” playlist tuned in. I was shaking, uncontrollably with lips chattering, and a boggled mind. God was answering my prayers, in the present tense. The water breaking was a signal letting me know it was time to go, and the contractions were just beginning, painful enough to breathe through, but not unbearable like before. No pain on the way. Those two specific answers were enough to build up my courage for the delivery of our baby.
When we got to the hospital, the nurses placed monitors on me to listen to the baby’s heartbeat and measure contractions. There was no rushing to the bathroom to vomit, no thrashing on the floor, just a peace filled entry and an answered prayer once more.
True to form, labor was quick and within two and a half hours we held a precious newborn in our arms. I felt pure joy.
It’s been three weeks since Selah’s life began and she has enjoyed the gift of sleep to a level she may not experience again until she is very, very old. I already feel nostalgic for these days as my girl’s rapid development reminds me that within a few years, she’ll be running and dancing around with her sisters.
The feelings of dread and doom from the weeks before are gone. More like a distant memory. When I look back on it all, I hope that the power of prayer sticks with me. The type of active and specific prayers that hang on a thread. The type of prayer that takes God at His word and lifts promises from the Bible as an act of faith. The type that risks a broken heart when the answer is no and trusting that God knows better than we think we do.
In the Bible, Selah is a word used during poetry or songs to indicate the need to pause and reflect. An invitation to soak in the words and ponder, and musically, to emphasize the importance of what was said. The word elicits an experience to slow down. Welcoming our fourth little girl into the world, we are doing just that. The newborn phase flashes by in the blink of an eye, and Selah Joy is reminding us to slow down and enjoy the journey.